It was the bible study group, and seriously? Most freaking awkward time I’ve ever had at Trinity. Whole time I felt I didn’t belong there. Everyone there was so… christian. So godly, and so morally right. And they knew what they were talking about. So I just sat there as they discussed Luke, and the crucifixion, and the meaning of everything, and said nothing. It’s not that they weren’t welcoming, or friendly, my gosh were they ever welcoming. It’s just, they’re different from me. I don’t believe in that stuff. I don’t think I ever will believe in that stuff. I don’t know why they keep pushing me to come, or why I go. It’s just awful.

But then, came prayer time and they were all looking for prayer points. They went around the table, and I wasn’t paying attention, and they went through their issues. Mostly important things, but I was just feeling crazy awkward and shy, and then they got to me, and wanted to know what I wanted to pray for. So I had to think of something, and I stammered a bit, then all of a sudden, I’m talking about Kiki and the shooting in Holland, and my family, and me, and friends who are sick and my other friend’s new baby, and before I know it, the leader (Who was sitting next to me) has filled the pad with my issues, and everyone elses prayer points took up a quater of the page and the rest was mine. We were running late as it was, and my prayer points were prayed upon for ages, and I just felt like a stupid selfish ass, because I know how much all this meant to them, and it meant nothing to me. But they were all praying for me.

I missed most of the German beer tasting due to this, and when I got there, all the beer was gone, so I got some glasses of local beerrs, and then they all went to the austral, and there was another cute guy called Ryan, but instead of staying I walked with the secretary of the club to her bus stop, and we chatted, and she’s lovely.

I hate myself right now, I’m a hypocrite between godliness and evil, and I prefer evil.